How to Strip-Search a Book

A very flattering article posted about this website by Dave Schleicher has inspired me to explain exactly how the reviews here are created. Although this is Texas, we are not The Bush Administration. We at iUniverse Book Reviews have very few secrets not shared with the authors, readers, and general audience. The few secrets we do retain are mostly related to our awareness of the sensitive egos of authors. There are some things we disclose only in direct e-mails to the authors being reviewed, and there are a few things we keep to ourselves. Descriptions of these few secret elements will be mentioned in this post. Everything else outside these particular, discreet cordialities are being explained in this post. All books accepted for review at iUniverse Book Reviews receive exactly the same treatment. The details are explained here in chronological order.

The Request: When I receive your request for a review, I immediately begin a research effort to determine if I want to accept your book for review. Acceptance is probably a lot easier than you think.

The Research: I look at Amazon and B&N to see what sort of reviews you have already received. I rarely actually read any of these word-for-word because, if I do accept your book for review, I do not wish to risk being influenced by plot details or opinions expressed in those reviews. What I am looking for is the type of reviews you have. I know who the volume and paid reviewers are, and you don't earn diddly-squat for brownie points with me with a five-star review from any of these guys. You are actually the most likely to be accepted by iUniverse Book Reviews if you have no other reviews at all. Of course, the main way to be declined is to write a book about a celebrity or a get-rich-quick scheme. If I cannot find out enough to make a decision by looking at Amazon, B&N, or (obviously) your own website, I search Google for photos of you, details about your work, or even comments by others concerning your work.

The Acceptance: If I accept your book for review, you will be notified by e-mail immediately. I try to notify authors of the progress of their books through the queue, too. You can generally expect an e-mail from me when I accept your book, after you have notified me that the book has been sent, when I receive the book, what the book's timetable looks like, when I have completed the reading of the book, and when all the reviews have been posted.

The Log-in: Every book gets a folder, a Word document, and cover photos from Amazon and/or B&N. I verify the release date, page count, ISBN, and price at Amazon and B&N, as well as from the actual book. So far, I have discovered only one discrepancy, and I notified that author of the problem. The data from the paperback is always used, not that from the hardcover, if one has been published. The page count listed at Amazon nearly always includes the front and back matter, and I post that count on the website review. The page count without the front and back matter is entered into a separate document (to be discussed later in this post).

The Books Reviewed Chart: I keep track of all the activity pertaining to the website in a separate Word document. This data includes the actual, numbered page count mentioned above. It also includes the font size (for general word-count comparisons). The actual error count is added at the completion of the reading, and this allows an Error Quotient comparison with the other books reviewed. Each book's submission information is kept in the proper order on this page, from the date the initial request has been made until all the reviews are complete. If the author has an Authors Den page, it is noted on this chart. Each book is tracked and moved through the chart simply so I can keep things straight and remain fair and impartial to all submissions.

The Reading: Each book is read, cover-to-cover, word-for-word, in the order in which it was received, no matter how bad or how good the book may be. When I go see a movie, I have made all my preparations, and I am in my seat when the first credit rolls. I don't talk through it and I don't get up in the middle for popcorn, either. I'm just anal that way. I think if you really want to experience any piece of art or entertainment, you have to give it your best shot. You have to give it your full attention and try to retrieve the full experience in the manner intended by the creator. I don't leave the theatre until the last credit has rolled, and I don't skim over any pages. I examine the cover carefully and I read every bit of front and back matter.

The Error Count: For many of you, this is the big deal. The gremlins are loose in the theatre! You know that part of the strip-search that you don't like? I have to do it. We all know that this is the Achilles heel of iUniverse, and indeed, all, POD books. If you're going to ask a reader to pay full retail price for your custom-printed, and somewhat overpriced, book, you can at least minimize the typos. Only the errors that I can personally swear in court, that to the best of my ability, were boo-boos created by the author are counted. If there is any doubt as to stylistic choices or other details causing the error, it is not counted. If I stumble through the sentence after reading it a second time, the error gets counted. If the sentence is just a little funky and barely acceptable as correct, it is not counted. If a character is speaking, and that person may not be displaying perfect English, it is not counted. There are three comparative elements to keep in mind concerning the error count. These are the actual error count, the types of errors (as described below), and the Error Quotient, which is the error count divided by the page count without front and back matter. You can do the division in the other direction, too; it doesn't really matter as long as the figures for all books are compared in the same direction.

Error Categories: There are three types of errors, in ascending order of criminality. (a) Punctuation styles that may be repeated many times throughout your book, but clearly are more of a stumble for your readers than they are a poetic license are the most benign type. By the sheer numbers, these are also the most common, since there can be a hundred of exactly the same incorrect punctuation in a single book. (b) As stated elsewhere on this blog, iU authors need to be especially cognizant of misplaced and misused common words. No matter how stupidly unlikely this sounds, Word will not underline this type of boo-boo! Every one of these brings an obvious demerit because they are the direct result of lazy, hurried, or incomplete proofreading on the part of the author. (c) When you misuse words such as lie and lay, led and lead, and a long list of other statements from Hicksville, the demerit is the most severe of all. Whether or not these happen to be the result of sloppy proofreading or not is irrelevant. Every one of these reloads the slap-fighters' bandolier like nothing else!

The Final Analysis: I judge each book on its overall merit. If it contains a hundred errors of the same punctuation incorrectness repeating throughout the book, I keep a record of that number, but the error count is weighed against the other characteristics of the book. If the errors are less in number, but greater in severity, as noted in the descriptions above, the count is recorded, but the smaller number of more critical errors will be weighted accordingly. For many reasons, all actual error counts are kept private. The plot, characters, and writing style are all examined and weighted, too. No book is given a higher or lower rating just because I happen to like, or not like, reading that book's particular genre. I prefer to reveal only the minimal amount of plot details in any review. The focus instead is on whether or not a person who reads this book is likely to enjoy it for its quality or disparage it for its lack of same. Of course there is a lot of simple opinion involved. I'm a critic. What did you expect? I give points for high word and page counts and demerits for short books with low word and page counts. I positively recognize research and originality and negatively make note of ho-hum plots, stilted dialog, boring sentence structure, two-dimensional characters, and generic covers created by the iUniverse staff. Make me like your sleazebucket characters. Send me through an amazing plot maze that somehow makes sense. Show me the magic!

The Reviews: One of our leading claims to fame here at iUniverse Book Reviews is that we write three or four separate, original reviews of each book. The Authors Den review is usually posted first, and it is usually the shortest and simplest of the four reviews. The B&N review is posted next, and this review is usually slightly longer than the Authors Den review. Not appearing for several days due to B&N policy, this review will usually compare the book to known books and/or movies. The Amazon review is usually two or more paragraphs and the emphasis is on selling the book, since we all know that Amazon is the main retailer of iU books by a huge margin. The review put on this site is generally the longest and the most critical. The time I spend thinking about what I want to write usually increases as the book moves through this process.

The Closure: As soon as I have posted the final review, I send an e-mail to the author. A Word document is attached containing all four reviews, so the author can cheat instead of waiting on pokey B&N. Sometimes I feel like commenting on the book personally to the author, but sometimes not. If I do so, it is usually because there is some bit of advice I want to impart privately to the author. The personal service stops there only if you want it to do so. If I think you really have something to offer, I may invite you to participate in the Interview with the Author series. I have continued communications with many authors I have reviewed. A number of authors have asked that I review further books, and I have done so. If you want, I'll be glad to communicate with you by e-mail until the cows come home. That is, afterall, one reason I do this project. I want to get to know iU authors who have gotten so much less attention than they deserve.

Flashback

Flashback:
A Low Country Novel
by D. A. Welch
(iUniverse / 0-595-41271-6 / April 2007 / 224 pages / $15.95)

Flashback takes the reader on a modern adventure through the beachfront island communities of South Carolina and neighboring areas. The title derives from the nightmarish flashbacks experienced by one of the four lead characters in the story. Ex-Navy SEAL Nate Dunlevy has been unable to rid his mind of an experience he lived through in his recent military past, affecting his lifestyle even to the point of temporary impotence. The plot of Flashback rapidly takes on the nature of a feminist romantic fantasy, as two brothers meet two sisters and they flit from one exotic locale to another, bagging up the bad guys for the FBI and entertaining themselves in the sack. Imagine a Lifetime Channel movie with R-rated sex scenes and you'll get the picture.
D. A. Welch has produced an especially professional-looking product for a first POD book. The gorgeously appropriate cover shows off the photographic talent of the author's significant other, and the editing and low error count are admirable, too, although the proofreading still leaves this professional product just a little scarred. The consistent use of the third person in past tense makes for a competent, but unimaginative compositional style. I shudder to think of the magnitude of the proportion of other POD authors who could take lessons in professionalism and maturity of product from Ms. Welch.
Flashback is most certainly a book modern women will love. I'm not so sure about the opinions of male readers. The lead characters in the story are just such perfectly disgusting Yuppies. The men have impeccable tastes, chiseled muscles, and heroic military experience. The women have glamorous, high-paying jobs in exquisitely artistic fields they love. Both sexes may have had a few bad experiences in their past mating rituals, but when the panting turns to touching, nothing seems to get in the way of good old American lust. The ubiquitous predictability of a Lifetime movie is the one thing that weakens the punch of Flashback's plotline. I would have preferred somewhat less perfect lead characters to add a bit of morality play to the story. This is the only factor that knocks the whoopee out of Flashback. How many perfect romances have already been written by and for women readers?
The conclusion is that Ms. Welch has missed catching the brass ring only by a whisker, and many of you, of whom I suspect are mostly female, will accept the book just fine the way it has been written, no warts and all. The clever inclusion of the opening paragraphs in each chapter describing the climate and landscape of South Carolina's laid-back Low Country certainly adds to the novel's charisma. In defense of the Yuppiefication of the characters, I know that Hilton Head Island is not famous for po' folks. I just hope that when Deb Welch reads Flashback to herself, she pronounces the name of the car as it matches the name of its creator. The name is Por-shuh. Most Yuppies think it's the back porch.

See Also: Tabitha's B&N Review
Tabitha's Authors Den Review
Interview with D. A. Welch

McReviews in the Age of Wally-World

A lot has changed recently in the world of reviews for POD books. Several topics need to be discussed within the framework of their relationship to each other and a few issues stand alone. Let's get the unpleasant stuff out of the way first.

Many of you may feel as if I am too critical of the high incidences of grammatical and typographical mistakes found in far too many POD books. Yes, the Uppity Fathead Police may arrest me, but my own Proofreading Police record is mostly clean. No, my record is not perfect: I have found about seven errors in each of my four iUniverse books. The problem is that only a few of you have matched that level of proofing perfection. Any number less than ten can be considered acceptable for any traditionally published book, and that is the holy grail I seek. Asking a buyer to pay a premium price for a badly edited book is not only tacky, but it feeds ammo to the slap-fighters who want to tell the whole world how not published we all are! There is no downside to the issue of adequate proofreading. I have explained a good way to accomplish this task in the article, The Proof is in the Nitpick. All you have to do is simply show a little extra patience and do it. I have just finished reading Eric Schlosser's Fast Food Nation. Not only is it a Big McWhopper of a good book, I think I may have found one error, and this is a book crammed to the buns with fine print, technical references, and footnotes! Yes, I know that Mr. Schlosser had a whole team of proofreaders and fact checkers working on the project, but a book is a book. Get real, people. You'll have to pay twice as much for my latest book with its seven errors. We must whip this problem! How can we ever get any respect until we do? Please believe me when I say I am on your side. After your mom, I'm the next person who most wants to see you succeed.

One of the reasons I choose to review only iUniverse books is that I know the technical details of the entity to which we submit out manuscripts. I know most of you do not like having to edit and market your own books, but that's just tough bananas. You would have to do a lot of this stuff with a small, boutique publisher, too, and Random House isn't interested at all, so quit your whining and just deal with the reality we have. One of the reasons I started this blog was to provide an unbiased viewpoint of the iUniverse experience.

The POD review business is rapidly becoming ludicrous. Yet another reason I began this blog was the founding of a POD review business which I refuse to name because the last thing I want to do is to give the company more publicity. This review company operates practically from my own backyard, and they have created a new low in paid, plastic, illegitimate, reviews for POD books. The highly unfortunate issue is that Amazon's new manner in which the company places reviews on the page will automatically accentuate any reviews by this particular, despicable purveyor of Pabulum. This is because Amazon's review placement is now heavily biased toward reviews listed under the same, high-volume names, and the despicable one utilizes a whole herd of patsies, many of whom are teenagers, to actually write their reviews, but all the reviews are cataloged under the company name, not the individual reviewers' names. The stink really begins to permeate the Amazone when you realize how many POD authors just want good reviews so they can sell their books. They don't give a ratt's ass about quality, truth, or integrity. These are, indeed, the reviews Made in China and sold at Wally-World. The ones who get burned are the customers, the readers, the buyers. Like Ronald Reagan, the despicable company has discovered the soul of the modern POD era, and it is rotten. I hope this is not the path we are about to follow, but I sincerely fear that it is. In the same way the $29.95 DVD players built by slave labor in China and sold at Wally-World have replaced quality consumer electronics built by highly educated workers at Sony and Technics in Japan, I fear that this new tonnage of frivolous and misleading book reviews will become the norm for Print On Demand book reviews. The best comment I can make about this disgusting phenomenon is that the grossly overpriced Kirkus Discovery reviews sold by iU to its most naive authors will probably be squeezed from the marketplace.

Meanwhile back at the legitimate review ranch, where all our beef roams free and our reviews are free, too, the choices are rapidly diminishing. We have a new reviewer in The Ring, but The (official) De Facto POD Review Ring is all but defunct. POD People and Leo Stableford are still in business, but Leo is currently inactive and the People have closed all submissions. You can visit Odyssey Reviews to read her submission guidelines, but the short version is that she, too, accepts only paper copies. All the quick-submit, digital submission sites are closed to submissions or defunct. Her Odyssey prefers the standard fiction genres, so she's currently your best choice for those sci-fi fantasies. As you are probably already aware, I review those genres, but they are not my favorites. Generally, the more difficult a book is to classify, the better I like it. With her genre preferences and a small cadre of three reviewers, Her Odyssey seems to split the difference between POD People and iUniverse Book Reviews. You may want to refer to Coming Attractions to get an accurate picture of the current state of this review site. The short version of this one is that I am open to submissions, but the queue could quite quickly back up to a point a few weeks into the future. Two of you have been approved for review submissions, but I have not received your books yet. As I have always said, I don't count books until they are holding down my bookshelf, so iUniverse Book Reviews may or may not be booked up for the forseeable future. The first books to arrive are always the first to be read and reviewed. Thank you for your continued support of the premier legitimate review site for iUniverse authors.

Survival Op

Survival Op:
The Fear in the Wilderness
by Scott Allen
(iUniverse / 0-595-42062-9 / March 2007 / 156 pages / $12.95)

Middle school coach and English teacher Scott Allen has released his first adventure novel for young adults. The Fear in the Wilderness is his first book in what he plans as a new series for teen readers. Judging from the many open-ended issues left at the conclusion of this first installment, as well as the numerous online, five-star reviews from his students, I would suppose that Scott's Survival Op series is well on its way to becoming a fave rave of the author's young fans.
The storyline is a variation on the plots of the television shows, Survivor and Lost, and the Tom Hanks movie, Cast Away. With its boy-and-girl pair of lead characters, the book even flashes back to the 1980 movie, The Blue Lagoon, although the sexual innuendo of that movie has been replaced by gratuitous violence in Survival Op. Marcus and Lynn are thirteen-year-olds who have been stranded on purpose on a remote island in The Bermuda Triangle by a nasty horde of corporate, militant contractors to the U.S. government. Soon after Marcus and Lynn have been given just enough time to learn how to eat berries and sleep in a cave, the villains intend to hunt and kill the teens for sport. The plot is built around a secret, government-sponsored, survival training operation in which no one knows where the kids are except possibly an FBI operative or two and a mysterious monster who lives in the forest wilderness.
The plot and storyline of Survival Op are perfect for the age bracket at which the book is aimed, and the characters have been well chosen by the author to appeal to this audience. Scott Allen wants his students to enjoy reading, and he has provided them with an impetus to do so. The weakness of this book is its lack of adequate proofreading. (Where, oh where, have I said this before?) Survival Op is crammed to the island's edge with misapplied grammar, commas that have apparently been lost in the wilderness, and too many short, declarative sentences containing stilted dialogue. Please, Mr. Allen, spend considerably more time proofreading the next book in the Survival Op series! We don't want to have to call the Proofreading Police on you, do we?
Scott Allen has the best of intentions. Anything that encourages teenagers to unglue their eyes from the television or pry their fingers from the video game controllers is a very good thing! Teens that dare to read The Fear in the Wilderness will probably love it. The book has enough guns, knives, Snakenators and Bursting Berries per page to please even the shortest attention span. Let's show them correct spelling and grammar, shall we?

See Also: Tabitha's Authors Den Review
Lost in the Blue Lagoon (Tabitha's B&N Review)

The Thief Maker

The Thief Maker
by D. H. Schleicher
(iUniverse / 0-595-40518-5 / October 2006 / 222 pages / $14.95)

There are several phrases that I must use to describe this book: plot twists, psychodrama, and morality play. The plot, concept, and style of The Thief Maker demand that these three be applied in any appropriate review. As far as I am concerned, D. H. Schleicher should be crowned the new King of the Plot Twists. There are so many of these, and they have been utilized so effectively, that they literally define the book. The Thief Maker is not exactly a thriller or a mystery, within the standard confines of these genres. The story is all about the characters and their complex and unexpected relationships with each other. Much of the action takes place within the characters' thoughts, emotions, and dialog. All the characters except for one young, innocent boy have morality issues. Each reader will have to decide for himself exactly how he feels about each character. The lead characters are good and bad at the same time, and each has his reasons for the justification of his actions.

There are three negative points that need to be mentioned. First of all, the dense plot jumps back and forth at various points within a timeframe of 1983 to 2007. The point of view changes from one character to another as it follows the bouncing time points. The combination of these two constant changes may demand a lot from a reader who is not paying close attention, and sometimes even the diligent reader could lose his point of reference. This is not to be construed as a very serious criticism, however. The book demands a certain level of attention and intelligence from the reader, and that is not necessarily a bad thing. The plotting is so good that I would not desire any changes in this department. I would even go so far as to say that Mr. Schleicher has created a genuinely original niche for himself with this style of storyline.

The remaining two negatives are simply common problems with some iUniverse books. The cover doesn't effectively communicate anything to the reader concerning the plot or genre. The all-important blurb on the back is in small, red text that is difficult to read on its black background, leaving the glaring-white UPC label to stand out instead. The cover looks stylish, but it does little to expose the wonderful book within. The Proofreading Police have been kept very busy with this book. Unlike any other book the force has yet to encounter, the author has stated that iUniverse proofed the book via the company's optional service. The author is duly upset that he paid for the high-priced option, but he got a ticket anyway! The lesson here is to never buy any radar detector but an Escort or trust a corporation to do your proofreading for you. (If this topic requires further discussion of the quality of the services provided by iUniverse, I shall do so in a separate article on this blog.) The errors in The Thief Maker are no worse than those in many other iU books, but, as with the books by Lorrieann Russell and Amy Lane, the errors glare at the reader simply because the writing is so outstanding.
D. H. Schleicher has written three books previous to The Thief Maker. I have not read those books, but their reviews on Amazon and B&N are quite positive. The author himself views this fourth book as his best. The Thief Maker has earned a place among the top tier of the books reviewed here. Neither the confusing timeline, the blase cover, nor the traffic stop by the Proofreading Police is enough to keep it out of the five-star rating bracket. All three of these together cannot bring it down. The storyline, characters, and subplots are just so stinking good in The Thief Maker that I cannot help but give it my highest recommendation.

See Also: Tabitha's B&N Review
Update, 4/13/08: Finalist in the 2008 Eric Hoffer Award for Independent Books
Interview with D. H. Schleicher

Portrait of Her

Portrait of Her

by Ellen P. Bloomenstein

(iUniverse / 0-595-38747-2 / February 2007 / 327 pages / $19.95)
 

The cover of Ellen P. Bloomenstein’s Portrait of Her invites the reader into a delicate world of introspection, romance, and relationships. The storyline and personal point of view present the lead character in a sort of Woody Allen state of mind. There is an endless questioning of actions and the motives for them. The NYC backdrop is certainly similar to those of Woody’s most famous films. It’s difficult not to see mental images of Sex and the City and Seinfeld, too, when reading Ms. Bloomenstein’s tale of tempestuous love affairs and inquisitive neuroses. Ellen Bloomenstein knows her angst in New York subject matter so thoroughly that the reader wonders how much of Portrait of Her is really an autobiographical Portrait of Ellen. There is little doubt the author has Woody Allen’s talent and persona wrapped in a cloak suitable for the current millennium.

Alas, there is a problem in The Big Apple. Ellen’s rather recent Masters Degree in Creative Writing seems to have blinded her common sense a bit. Behind the alluring cover await multiple fonts such as Courier and Times New Roman intertwined with bold, italics, all-caps, and mixtures of various type sizes. Accented words have letters spaced across the page, without notice of properly utilized line breaks. When a character is angry, the words are repeated endlessly, generally without the basic necessity of punctuation. There is no doubt that Ms. Bloomenstein used her creative writing degree to show off her imagination on purpose. Unfortunately, the result is a book that is very difficult to read. How can this be a good thing, especially for a new, unknown author?
Enough complaining, already! Is Portrait of Her worth reading, or not? Well, it certainly is not the worst book I have reviewed on this blog, but I doubt that it will score very highly on your satisfied reader scale unless your name is, like, Heather or Britney. Ellen Bloomenstein is clearly intelligent, but misguided in her overuse of fonts, footnotes, repetitions, and other conceits. Her true writing talent filters through the cracks, anyway. The world could use some fresh chicklit. The Sex and the City reruns are growing tiresome. Woody has already tossed his bananas. There’s always room for Jell-O.

See also: Tabitha's B&N Review

Interview with the Author

Anthony Livingston Hall

Author of The iPINIONS Journal: 2005: The Year in Review and The iPINIONS Journal: Commentaries on Current Events Volume II, Anthony Livingston Hall is a lawyer, syndicated columnist, and certified fitness trainer. He lives and works in metropolitan Washington, D.C.

Tabitha: What inspired you to begin writing your column, The iPINIONS Journal?

A. L. Hall: Would that I could chalk it up to inspiration. In fact, I was effectively drafted after an associate set up the blog platform, invited me to her office and commanded me to write! She did this in utter exasperation because, for months, she’d been making futile appeals to my political conscience to “launch [my] unique voice into the Blogoshere”.

Tabitha: I understand that you have many readers and fans in The Caribbean. Is your column available in print form outside your blog or books?

A. L. Hall: Yes. It is distributed through a syndicate to regional newspapers. Although a number of editors (of newspapers and online news-sites) routinely republish my articles without regard to this formal arrangement. But I don’t mind – so long as they give proper attribution….

Tabitha: Do you think these publications have helped establish your status as a writer or increased interest in your two books?

A. L. Hall: Absolutely…to the limited extent I am established. After all, even though I appreciate comparisons to people like Maureen Dowd and Tom Friedman, I am acutely aware that I’m not even on the same planet when it comes to literary status - to say nothing of book sales.

Tabitha: Since your first book has not been reviewed here, would you like to describe or critique its content as being in any way different from that of Volume II?

A. L. Hall: In form, my first book is the same – hence the “Volume II” designation for this one. In substance, however, the material difference can be seen in the table of contents; because each volume differs as the world turns. And that reflects the joy I derive from writing and compiling my commentaries. l hope my books constitute a user-friendly anthology of contemporary world history. But I have no doubt that they provide readers the most portable access to the most noteworthy events of our times – hopefully in compelling essay form.

Indeed, besides their literary merit, the following story illustrates an entertaining reason to buy my books. A reader shared in an e-mail that, shortly after reading my first book, she hosted a dinner party in NYC (in the Fall of 2005) for a group of friends – almost all of whom she (reasonably) assumed were far more well-read and knowledgeable than she was about world events. And, in an innocent attempt to contribute to the dinner conversation, she asked if anyone could recall any of the major events of March 2005. But after only awkward silence and deflective laughter ensued, she went over to her coffee table, picked up my book and read aloud (from the table of contents) the title of each commentary from that month. A reading which, I was very pleased to learn, was greeted with applause and solicitous enquiries about my book….

Tabitha: You state in your book that you come from a place called The Turks and Caicos Islands. Where exactly is that? Would you describe life on a Caribbean Island away from the cruise ship gangplank?

A. L. Hall: The Turks and Caicos Islands are situated perpendicular to the Southern tip of the archipelago of The Bahamas. I appreciate this question especially because too many tourists who visit us via floating cities (and even some who stay at curiously xenophobic “all inclusive resorts”) see little of our islands and interact even less with our people. (With the complicity of venal government officials, many resort operators actually import cheap(er) and more exploitable help from even poorer regional countries. Therefore, it’s possible for tourists to vacation there and never meet a native person….)

But our islands retain much of the provincial charm that has been despoiled by overdevelopment elsewhere. In fact, many of our settlements compare to those one might find in quaint sections of Cuba. However, the joy of freedom is clearly manifest in the faces of our inhabitants. And, of course, we have some of the best beaches in world: And that’s no jingoistic bunk; that’s according to Condé Nast Traveler. I would be remiss, however, if I did not take this opportunity to convey the genuine affection and appreciation we have for the tourists on whom the vast majority of us rely for our daily bread. And this is reflected in the unvarnished hospitality we offer each and every visitor.

Tabitha: As a columnist covering many different political arenas with your commentaries, how would you describe your political leanings?

A. L. Hall: Progressive libertarian: On some issues, I might seem like an arch-conservative. But on other issues, I might seem like a flaming liberal. This, of course, renders me an apostate according to both Democratic and Republican orthodoxy, which makes me very proud indeed.

Tabitha: After the bellowing, bellicose, one-sided political pundits have yelled us into the ground, your attitude seems to be a breath of fresh air. How much of this benign outlook was born on Caribbean island soil?

A. L. Hall: Hmmm, what an interesting association that is. It has never occurred to me. But I can see how the laid back nature of my Caribbean upbringing may now contribute to the unflappable character of my articles. (I’ll have to give that one a little more thought….)

Tabitha: If you could suggest to George Bush one thing that he could do to improve his standing in our minds and the world, what would you say to him?

A. L. Hall: Lift the embargo against Cuba!

Tabitha: What is the best advice you could offer to the U.S. Congress?

A. L. Hall: I fear it would be wasted. After all, Congress seems even more politically tone deaf than the White House has become. Indeed, Congressional leaders appear completely oblivious to the fact that the American people are even more disgusted with them than they are with President Bush. But to answer your question, I would advise members of both parties to stop carping at Bush about Iraq; especially since they are clearly not prepared to do anything to force him to change course (e.g. as Rep. Kucinich keeps goading them to do). Instead, the Democratic leaders (including Speaker Pelosi and Majority leader Reid) and Republican leaders (including Boehner and McConnell) should hold a televised summit at which they pledge to the American people that they will enact legislation on at least one of the following before the ’08 election, or they’ll resign: comprehensive immigration reform, comprehensive health-care reform or comprehensive social-security reform!

Tabitha: Your worldview is international, indeed, and you have condensed the key elements of many complex news stories into easily comprehensible articles. Would you like to elaborate on this concept for us?

A. L. Hall: I believe that no matter how complex, no issue is (or should be made) incomprehensible. And I cannot abide blowhards who think the only thing anyone ever wants to hear about in their presence is the one thing about which they can talk ad nauseam. Likewise, I have little regard for encyclopedic nerds who can cite facts, but can’t express an opinion, about anything. My eclectic mix of articles reflects my general interests. And, if nothing else, I hope their comprehensive and comprehensible nature empowers readers to at least ask informed questions that others would least expect of them.

Tabitha: Since your books are essentially news commentaries, what is your favorite source for news?

A. L. Hall: Online newspapers. Not so long ago I used to think people who claimed to read several newspapers everyday were either liars or braggarts. But the Internet makes this so easy to do. For example, I take about 30 minutes in the morning to read a fair amount of at least 4-5 online newspapers, and then 10 minutes here and there throughout the day to read several others (and that includes their gossip columns).

Tabitha: If we surprised you by busting into your home or office, which cable news channel would we be most likely to catch you watching and why?

A. L. Hall: (LOL) At the office – C-SPAN: It’s occasionally informative, but most Washington law offices run it the way building managers run Muzak in elevators. I also try to schedule meetings around the midday re-broadcasts of Tavis Smiley and Charlie Rose on PBS. Both talk shows are terrific because they feature interviews with prominent politicians, CEOs, scientists, writers, entertainers, et al.

At home – (depending on the night) CBS (CSI - Las Vegas), FOX (24, House), NBC (Law and Order): In fact, I have precious little time to watch TV at home. But when I do, I prefer to be entertained, and these shows do that for me. And since I read news and editorials online, I steer clear of canned news programs and screaming talking heads on TV.

Tabitha: What sort of educational experience do you have, and is it relevant to your writing or the subject matter you have chosen?

A. L. Hall: BA- political economics; JD – international business transactions. And, I’m sure my formal education helps me to parse news reports on current events to distill what I consider most relevant and the proper perspective to have about them.

Tabitha: What about your work career? Has your choice of profession influenced your writing? Has one part of your varied career influenced your writing more than another part?

A. L. Hall: Well, perhaps holistically. But I’ve always been interested in current events. In fact, I consider sitting before my computer to write each night rather like visiting an intellectual spa…relative to my day job.

Tabitha: I find the cover of The iPINIONS Journal Vol. II to be simply elegant and eye-catching, a professional entrance to a serious book. Who exactly is the K. Kisovec noted for the cover graphic, and how much of the cover design was your own?

A. L. Hall: You have no idea how much I appreciate this question…. Because K. Kisovec has been the unqualified love of my life for the past 22 years. She is the person to whom I dedicated my first book. The cover graphic was entirely her creation, but it gives only a glimpse into her creative genius. Where she’s concerned, I am a fortunate man in so many respects!!!

Tabitha: Who is Mary to whom Volume II has been dedicated?

A. L. Hall: Mary is a very dear friend of many years. And, as a native of Haiti, she shares not only my Caribbean heritage but also my interest in issues that affect our region and the rest of the developing world. Indeed, she is one of the most dedicated readers of everything I write.

Tabitha: Did you consider other publishers before you selected iUniverse?

A. L. Hall: No. In fact, I never entertained the idea of publishing a book until the same ambitious (for me) friend who launched my blogging avocation brought up the idea of publishing my articles as a volume of contemporary history. And once I complied, she presented iUniverse as the most suitable publisher….

Tabitha: How satisfying has your experience with iUniverse been?

A. L. Hall: I should first say that POD publishing is a Godsend for aspiring authors. And this fact was brought into stark relief recently when an avid Jane Austen fan submitted manuscripts of her most successful novels, with literally no material changes, to 18 major book agents and publishers. Because, of the snobbish lot, only one had the elementary knowledge to recognize the submission as Austen’s. The rest simply rejected it as unworthy of publishing: How’s that for pride and prejudice?! Meanwhile, these same ignoramuses would no doubt salivate at the prospect of publishing Paris Hilton’s next tome on her simple life….

But I fear the thoroughly satisfying experience I enjoyed with iUniverse (in particular my PSA, Janet) on the first book may have spoiled me irretrievably. Because, quite frankly, the experience this time around left a great deal to be desired.

Tabitha: What is the most significant thing you have learned as a POD author? Do you have any advice to offer to new or prospective POD authors?

A. L. Hall: A professional proofreader is worth the investment!

Tabitha: Who are some of your favorite authors and books? What genres do you like to read?

A. L. Hall: Noam Chomsky’s Manufacturing consent; James Baldwin’sThe Fire Next Time; Wole Soyinka’s The Interpreters; V.S. Naipal’s A Bend in the River; Gore Vidal’s Live from Golgotha; and Khalil Gibran’s The Prophet. The genres I like best are non-fiction, biography and historical and philosophical novels. Although I like spy novels as well: John le Carre, Graham Greene, and Robert Ludlum.

Tabitha: What have you been reading lately?

A. L. Hall: I am currently reading The Man Who Ate Death by Mihajlo Pantic and The First American by Christopher Hardaker.

Tabitha: When and where will the next release by Anthony Livingston Hall be available? Will it be a continuance of The iPINIONS Journal?

A. L. Hall: I’ve actually been contacted by a non-POD publisher. So, we shall see. But, yes, I shall continue my chronicling of these our times in Vol. III and hope to complete the manuscript by March 2008.

Tabitha: What’s next for Anthony Livingston Hall, the writer?

A. L. Hall: Publishing daily commentaries, which I enjoy thinking makes established columnists look like slackers….

Tabitha: Do you have any final remarks to address to your readers or our audience?
A. L. Hall: Thank you for your interest. I truly appreciate your support.

Distant Cousin: Reincarnation

Distant Cousin: Reincarnationby Al Past
(iUniverse / 0-595-45311-5 / June 2007 / 340 pages / $19.95 / Kindle $4.00)

This is the third book in the Distant Cousin series of scifi tales starring the Barbie from outer space, Ana Darcy, and her faithful sidekick and native son of Albuquerque, Matt Mendez. As with the first book in this series, I give it ten stars. Yeah, that's right, ten. Reincarnation takes the reader to Nowhere, New Mexico, again, and like Dorothy said, there's no place like home. You'd hide out there, too, if you were an international celebrity who just wanted to live a quiet, peaceful lifestyle. How quiet can things really be when you have a space pod stashed in your barn?

I would never recommend that a reader first meet the Mendez family with this book. You need to start at the beginning of the first book, when Matt was just a bored journalist in Alpine, Texas, about to meet the love of his life in the local library. The Distant Cousin storyline is somewhat quiet and emotional, just like the lives the lead characters seek. The plot of this third book involves the FBI, the CIA, and a retired Navy SEAL, all trying to make the Russians behave themselves instead of blowing up some highly populated chunk of America. Although Reincarnation is a little slower paced than its Repatriation predecessor, the new characters and subplots help Darcy fly that space pod right into your heart!

The most distinguishing trademark of Al Past's Distant Cousin books is their obvious similarity to some of Steven Spielberg's best movies. Ana Darcy is much like E.T. without the Disney cuteness or childhood orientation. She is an E.T.-type character for an adult audience. The sense of wonder we all had the first time we watched Close Encounters of the Third Kind is magically reincarnated. Reading all the Distant Cousin books is like playing a movie in your head. This is the way we want life to be. This is the way we want Americans to respond to aliens if they ever arrive on Earth. Reincarnation rekindles amazement. Life should always be like this.

See Also: Tabitha's B&N Review

Coming Attractions

iUniverse Book Reviews is presently in a state of flux. The challenge is to keep the accent on quality in the operation, and not succumb to the pressures of quantity. There are changes coming, whether we like it or not. Some of these I cannot control, and others I have been contemplating for a while. I want to be very cautious because I have the review blog right where I have always wanted it. I have previously had an unofficial rule that I let each book review sit at the top of the blog site for 5-7 days before pushing it downward with another posting. I did this to allow maximum exposure of the reviews, as opposed to the articles and interviews. Now that pattern needs to be thrown in the trash because the postings at Amazon and B&N have become less predictable, and I have too many reviews and interviews backed up in line for the blog to allow that much time between postings. I am a little like a plane in a holding pattern right now. They are rebuilding the runway below me and I am not sure exactly when I should drop my landing gear!

The De Facto POD Review Ring seems to have lost quite a bit of its previous adhesion. Three of the members seem to be on (permanent?) hiatus, but the three with POD in their names seem to be hanging in there, albeit with a few submissions limitations. Any author presently seeking a review is as likely as not to find the door closed in his face. He can always go to one of the volume (paid) reviewers for a review that is sure to glow like a nuclear reactor, but the legitimate review sources are tightening.

According to Susan Driscoll, the CEO of iUniverse, the company tracks its publishing numbers by fiscal years beginning July 1 and ending June 30. I don't have the figure for the fiscal year that has just ended, but here are the stated figures for the years of the recent past:

2004 - 4016 2005 - 4289 2006 - 4715

Have we hit 5000 yet? Obviously there are a lot of prospective authors out there, and their numbers are growing! Only twenty books were reviewed on this site in its first fiscal year (July 12, 2006 - July 12, 2007). At a future rate of one per week, I could review only 52 books in this second fiscal year! If many of the books are short, quick reads, or if I find a particularly extensive amount of appropriate reading time, maybe I could review 60 or 70 books in a year. Remember, as I have previously stated on this site, I actually prefer to read and review big, fat, long books that have required more than a little time and effort from their authors. Let's do the math, shall we? At best, in the coming fiscal year, I expect to review considerably less than 2% of the publisher's output for a single year! Ya'll are the few, the proud, the ones who dared to face a strip search by The Proofreading Police!

I have known since I began this project that this day would arrive. You guys who have been reading my posts since the beginning know that I said the early birds would be the ones chowing down on worms. We are now headed for a time of slim pickings in the worm bed. One day very soon one of you is going to be declined a review, not because you are a cheater, but simply because time has run out. I shall never review Poots from the Grave: The Real Anna Nicole (The Whore from Mexia) Smith Story, but you knew that already. One of these days I shall have to tell an author who is obviously dedicated to her craft to take her story elsewhere. I don't like that. I don't like it at all, but I do know that there is not a thing I can do about it. I must keep quality and personal service as my ultimate goals.

The thought has more than crossed my mind to offer some sort of proofreading service for authors, If I choose to do that, it will not be a free service, but the price will be half what the many other online services charge. You can look up these services at iU and elsewhere. You will see that they each have a particular description for what they do, with services ranging from simple comma placement to heavy content editing. If I get involved in any of this, I can tell you right now that I am neither qualified to, nor interested in, telling you how to better tell your story. My expertise is much more in line with getting the proofreading done more perfectly and completely before you submit your Word document to iU. The price I have in mind is about $500 for a 100,000-word, 400-page book. That's an iU page count: the Word page count for 100,000 words would be significantly less. The minimum price offered by iUniverse and others for a similar word count is currently $900, and I would probably be more likely to enter a few of those more extensive editing areas without assessing additional cost. If this concept interests you, send an email to ice9 at e-tabitha dot com and we shall see if it goes anywhere.

Finally, after sitting through the commercials, we get to the previews! The following books are lined up for review. This tentative order could be altered by the date of arrival of those that have yet to arrvive. Also, Amy Lane's Bound may be delayed until after the review of books yet to enter the queue. This sole exception to the first-in-first-reviewed rule is due to the fact that Bound has been sent along simultaneously with its predecessor. An interview with Anthony Livingston Hall should appear next week, and an interview with Amy Lane is in the works for some later date. The first four of these books have been received, so the order of their reviews is set in stone. The latter four have yet to be received, so their ducks are still unhatched.

Distant Cousin: Reincarnation by Al Past
Portrait of Her by Ellen P. Bloomenstein
The Thief Maker by David H. Schleicher
Survival OP: The Fear in the Wilderness by Scott Allen
Flashback: A Low Country Novel by D. A. Welch
Beyond the Cayenne Wall by Shaila Abdullah
Wounded by Amy Lane
Bound by Amy Lane

The whole concept of closed submissions gives me the cooties. I suppose I have too much empathy for other iUniverse authors for my own good. Rodney Dangerfield should be the mascot for all iU authors, but I suppose he's too busy doing his familiar schtick in heaven. Will I officially close submissions? I certainly hope not, but if you are an iU author who has been contemplating a review request, my advice to you would be to get off your thumbs.

Vulnerable

Vulnerable by Amy Lane
(iUniverse / 0-595-33746-5 / February 2005 / 278 pages / $17.95)

Amy Lane's Vulnerable is the first of three fantasy novels (so far) in what the author calls The Little Goddess Series. The other two books are Wounded (2006 / $20.95) and Bound (2007 / $25.95). You can tell from the prices that the latter two are longer works than Vulnerable. The most surprising thing about the book is its blatant usage of the f-bomb and its many brothers and sisters in the field of sexual innuendo, as well as some sex that is just in-and-out. The language and plotline will raise your eyebrows a little more when you learn that this story blossoms from the alter ego of a high school English teacher. What's even more shocking is the lack of adequate proofreading from an English teacher! These two elements define the essence of Vulnerable, and, I suspect, will also strongly color your personal opinion of the book as a reader.

As I have stated in my Amazon and B&N reviews, Vulnerable is like a good punk-rock band: yes, it may be obscene noise, but it sure is good, spunky fun! Ms. Lane's lead character is a nineteen-year-old college student who works the late-night shift at a Chevron gas station and convenience store. She has been holding her private little leather-and-piercing persona together in her quiet world in the middle of nowhere while she studies to prove herself to the world. In walks a giant, six-foot elf with a silver, plaited ponytail to light up her world. His best pal, and bisexual lover, is a vampire the elf rescued from sexual slavery when he was still a young human. Before you know it, Cory the punkette is in love with both of them. Off she rides prior to the sunrise to begin her new life with a very large passel of elves, vampires, and shapeshifters. In case you want to know, Cory remains human throughout the story, but boy, does she have spunk!

Amy Lane has gathered her own personal cadre of obsessors who buy and read her Little Goddess books. You will find plenty of their raving, five-star reviews at Amazon and B&N. You might suppose that the current Harry Potter and Tolkien trilogy madness has something to do with Amy's success, and I think you would be correct in that assumption. As the chief of the proofreading police, I could never donate five stars to Vulnerable, but four is a cinch, mostly because of that rampant spunk. Unlike Lou Grant, I like spunk! I admire it, in fact. Amy Lane's use of the language deserves kudos for its reckless abandon. Vulnerable is just plain fun to read! It's like if Anne Rice was not so dead serious, or meticulous. I strongly suspect that Ms. Lane gets in far too big a hurry composing with that rabid imagination of hers that she loses sight of the structural details. She claims that the later books are better edited, but you know me, the turtle, I don't count my ducks until I hear them quacking. If the errors really have been lessened in the later books, good for her, but if they have not, fool me once or shame on you, Amy Lane.

Don't go buying Vulnerable for your twelve-year-old just because she goes ga-ga over Harry Potter and the rest of that fantasy treasure for young adults. The Little Goddess most assuredly has adult, sexual issues more in common with Anne Rice than J. K. Rowling or Tolkien. Of course, as a Rice fan, and not a regular fantasy genre reader, I loved Vulnerable. I like the characters and the manner in which they speak, as if they really do live in the modern American underground. Although Ms. Lane now holds the dubious honor of being the typo boo-boo record holder at iUniverse Book Reviews, when I read Vulnerable I felt inclined to give the proofreading squad the night off and Amy Lane a suspended sentence. Yes, the compositional quality is that good.

See Also: Tabitha's B&N Review (still awaiting posting by B&N as of 7/26/07)

Reviews of Amy Lane's Wounded and Bound

Interview with Amy Lane

The iPINIONS Journal

The iPINIONS Journal
Commentaries on Current Events Volume II

by Anthony Livingston Hall
(iUniverse / 0-595-43203-5 / May 2007 / 366 pages / $23.95)

This particular book selected for review represents a very special milestone in the development of iUniverse Book Reviews. In many ways, Anthony Livingston Hall's two books, of which this is obviously the second, are more like my own than any other books I have reviewed so far. The iPINIONS Journal is the sort of iUniverse book I always knew had to be out there in the ozone. This is topical nonfiction that has been published by iU simply because the author lacks celebrity talking-head credentials. It is a serious book, comprised of previously released news commentaries in the author's daily columns of 2006. The language is articulate and the author's use of vocabulary is commendable. This is not a book for the moronic multitudes. It is a book for the thoughtful, informed reader who wishes to become even better informed of the crucial issues of our world. The first volume, not reviewed here, contained the stories of 2005. Unlike most every other book selected for review, this sequel is more appropriate for review now than its predecessor simply because the subject matter is derived from some of the more significant international news stories of 2006, instead of those from the prior year. Otherwise, I would never review an author's second book in a series before I had read the first one.

Anthony Livingston Hall has led a charmed life. Born in The Caribbean and educated on the mainland, he is a lawyer who works on K Street. He is also a syndicated columnist, fellow blogger, and a certified fitness trainer. Some of the news stories covered in The iPINIONS Journal deal specifically with issues indigenous to his Caribbean homeland, especially those that are closely entangled with U.S. policy. A good example of one such article deals with how the U.S. federal government shut down online gambling operations that operated offshore, but the massive numbers of customers were U.S. citizens. On this issue and the multitude of others on which Mr. Hall expresses his opinion, there is no yelling like Bill O'Reilly or smug self-righteousness like that of Sean Hannity. Unfortunately, there is very little buoyant humor to remind the reader of Michael Moore or Bill Maher, either, and therein lies one of my two complaints. The other negative is that I had to call the proofreading police on Mr. Hall. Although the errors are of the least serious type of infractions, the typos denigrate such a highly researched, detailed volume of political comment. You don't have to be leftwing to be entertaining; nor do you have to be a clown to have a sense of humor. The author's left/right balance is nearly perfect. I am simply suggesting that the number-one difference between his books and mine is that I place the fun to read concept at the top.

Anthony Livingston Hall has brought back all those memories of the names of foreign leaders we have heard numerous times on television and generally, subconsciously, tuned them out. We have done this because (a) We could not pronounce the name; (b) We could not spell the name; and (c) The news story referred to something happening over there somewhere that was way too far from Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton for us to care. The thing Mr. Hall does so well is to refresh our memories of these vitally important, international news events, explain them concisely and succinctly, and help to us to care after all. Anthony Livingston Hall is a very serious author, indeed. With the drudge and drivel we currently have impersonating television news, we need unbiased, thoughtful commentators like Anthony Livingston Hall. Wasn't he the nerd in Sixteen Candles?

See Also: Tabitha's B&N Review
Interview with Anthony Livingston Hall

Interview with the Author

Linda Gould

The author of Secretarial Wars resides in Silver Spring, MD. She is currently planning the release of her second novel, The Rock Star’s Homecoming, due for release in the near future. Ms. Gould’s attitude toward POD publishing and the thoughtful advice she offers to neophyte authors are impeccable. Without any derogatory or negative intent toward the other author interviewees whatsoever, I feel compelled to state that, as an iUniverse author, if you read only one of the interviews on this site, read this one!

Tabitha: What inspired you to write Secretarial Wars?

Linda Gould: When I graduated from college in 1974 with a degree in English, and returned home to the Washington area to get a job, I didn’t exactly bowl over the bureaucracy with my job skills. I had to settle for a secretarial position, a pretty good one for that time, but still somewhat disappointing. The quasi-government grants program that I worked for was hiring college graduates for its secretarial positions, but not giving them clear avenues for advancement. It was puzzling and frustrating, especially after five years had gone by.

But Secretarial Wars did not arise entirely from frustration. In those days I was also immersing myself in friendships and a vibrant nightlife in D. C. My marriage broke up, but the ex and I remained friends. The “Kramerkeller” nightclub in the book was inspired by one of my hangouts. I hope I managed to convey some of the joyfulness of those times.

Tabitha: Are there particular, actual persons who inspired your lead characters?

Linda Gould: Yes, Cass and Jocelyn were based on real people, although exaggerated, of course. The “Jocelyn” character in particular was a close friend. Actually, her exploits were not exaggerated all that much! “Mrs. B” was based on a formidable boss lady who pretty much told me what the Deputy Director in my story told Miriam, that I had no future in the organization.

Tabitha: I understand that the subplots involving the Washington Redskins and the Dallas Cowboys were inspired by events from The Sixties. Would you explain this particular inspiration to your readers?

Linda Gould: Actually, I was describing the Redskins of the 1970s, when I was just beginning to get interested in football. My true passion in sports was and is baseball, but the Senators departed in 1971, and baseball did not return to D. C. until 2005.

Back in the 1970s I began paying attention not only to football games, but to the gamesmanship that seemed to go on behind the scenes. Every team goes through a periodic changing of the guard, when old heroes are forced out by newer talent. But I think this process was unusually prolonged and explosive in Washington, because Coach George Allen tried to have it both ways. He hired the new talent, but refused to give up his old favorites. The quarterback controversy I describe was inspired by Allen’s favorite, Billy Kilmer, and Joe Theismann, the brash youngster who was always getting into trouble with his mouth. I really admired Kilmer the most. He had suffered a serious automobile accident early in his career, which took away almost all of his mobility. He did not have a strong arm either. He used to say, “I do it with my mind.”

Tabitha: When I read Secretarial Wars, I could not help but be reminded of the antics of our current, illustrious Bush Administration? Was the character of your fictional President Bailey inspired by George?

Linda Gould: I began the book so long ago (around 1991) that I can’t say “W” was the original inspiration for my President Bailey. Then again, it took so long to finish the book that I can’t swear “W” didn’t get into it. I think Bailey is a composite of recent Republican presidents. For example, Nixon was a huge Redskins fan and a close friend of Coach George Allen. He used to visit the practice facility and would even suggest plays for the offense to run. One such brilliant suggestion was used in a game, and resulted in a 13-yard loss. That was the end of Coach Richard Nixon!

When it comes to presidential scandals, my favorite is Iran-Contra. I’m not sure why: it’s rather obscure and convoluted compared to other favorites like Watergate and Monica. But I used to spend hours back then listening to the Congressional hearings and reading the transcripts.

Tabitha: The plot of Secretarial Wars reminded me of the movie 9 to 5 without Dolly Parton’s big boobs, of course. Was that movie in any way an inspiration for your book’s storyline?

Linda Gould: Much as I love that movie, I can’t say it inspired Secretarial Wars. 9 to 5 is essentially a farce, although a very satisfying one. What secretary hasn’t fantasized about poisoning her boss and then kidnapping him to keep him quiet? Great stuff, but not exactly what I was attempting.

Tabitha: In my opinion, the cover of Secretarial Wars is appropriate for the tone and subject matter of the book, but no cover credits have been notated. Who designed the cover? Did iUniverse create it strictly from your ideas, or did you supply the artwork or other elements? Are you satisfied with the cover?

Linda Gould: iUnverse designed the cover, based on some vague ideas of mine. I believe I suggested the images of the computer and the filing cabinet. Not being an artist myself, I didn’t have strong opinions about the design. I approved the first design that iUniverse submitted, and yes, I’m satisfied with it.

Tabitha: The single most impressive element of Secretarial Wars that I noticed as a POD reviewer is the high level of vocabulary, editing, and proofreading employed. Did you attend writer’s classes or workshops before releasing the book? Did you hire a professional editor or proofreader?

Linda Gould: I took a course on “beginning a novel” at the Writer’s Center in Bethesda, Maryland. That convinced me to throw out what I had done up to that point and start over. A small contingent of the students continued to meet after the class was over. That critique group is still going strong after more than ten years, while adding and subtracting some members during that time. The variety of opinions and viewpoints that the group offers has been especially valuable. One thing I’ve learned is that if the entire group declares that something doesn’t work, and this has happened quite a few times, it has to go.

I purchased the iUniverse proofreading service when I submitted Secretarial Wars. They were thorough, but their software put in some coding errors. Even when a manuscript reaches the final stages, it’s a good idea to review it carefully to make sure there are no glitches.

Tabitha: Did you consider other publishers before you selected iUniverse?

Linda Gould: I didn’t consider any other POD publisher. I had read an article in The Washington Post about iUniverse that was sympathetic to its mission. I also checked out a website called “Predators and Editors,” known for uncovering scams that victimize authors. Pred-Ed gives iUniverse good marks for not promising authors more than it delivers. That is not the case with all POD publishers. Some misrepresent themselves as traditional publishers, or claim to be more discriminating than they are.

Tabitha: How satisfying has your experience with iUniverse been?

Linda Gould: I think iUniverse deserves the good reputation it has. Of course, it would have been nice to sell a few more books than I have. But marketing is mostly up to the author, a fact that iUniverse makes plain from the beginning.

Tabitha: What is the most significant thing you have learned as a POD author? Do you have any advice to offer to new or prospective POD authors?

Linda Gould: Revise and proofread endlessly. The quality of the book is up to you. POD publishing is a great thing, because it allows you to realize your own vision. But that makes it all the more imperative not to release your work until it’s the very best you can do. Get as much impartial criticism as you can. If you don’t have confidence in your own proofreading skills, get someone else to do it, preferably a professional.

Tabitha: What sort of educational experience do you have, and is it relevant to your writing or the subject matter you have chosen?

Linda Gould: I got my undergraduate degree in English from Western Maryland (now McDaniel) College, a small campus about sixty miles north of D. C. It resembles the school that I try to portray in my next novel, The Rock Star’s Homecoming. To try to advance my government career, I got a Masters Degree in Political Science from American University in D. C.

Tabitha: What about your work career? Has your choice of profession influenced your writing? Are you a bureaucrat or a secretary?

Linda Gould: I am a bureaucrat now, rather than a secretary. After my secretarial experiences in the grants program, I went on to a satisfying career in government, where I’ve been able to utilize my writing skills on budgets and reports.

Tabitha: Who are some of your favorite authors and books? What genres do you like to read?

Linda Gould: I like “chicklit” as a broad genre, but to me that doesn’t necessarily require a happy ending or a totally resolved plot. I’m not a fan of traditional romances: the required happy endings are not close enough to real life. I have enjoyed Candace Bushnell’s Lipstick Jungle, Trading Up, and the original Sex and the City (the book is quite a bit more jumbled and confused than the TV series, just like real life). I love Gail Godwin’s all-encompassing novels about Southern families. I prefer lush writing to spare writing. For that reason, I love Pat Conroy, especially The Prince of Tides, Beach Music, and his wonderful memoir about his college sports career, My Losing Season.

Tabitha: What have you been reading lately?

Linda Gould: I’m reading Al Gore’s alarming An Inconvenient Truth. I have a feeling that if we don’t start to get a handle on these problems, all other bets are off. I love American and British history, and am always reading something along those lines. I’m also renewing my acquaintance with Kurt Vonnegut, who passed away recently. And I recently finished The Nanny Diaries, which if I’m not mistaken, was originally self-published.

Tabitha: Exactly when is The Rock Star’s Homecoming expected to be available?

Linda Gould: I just received the editorial evaluation. It was generally favorable, but there are some editing issues, so I don’t have a publication date yet. I hope that the book’s slightly experimental style doesn’t put off readers or critics. The story revolves around one third-person narrator (a female college student), interspersed with brief first-person narratives that are intended to bring other characters into sharper relief. Since a girl unavoidably encounters many characters on a college campus and even in her own dormitory, I’m hoping this method helps to keep them straight.

Tabitha: Do you have any further books in the pipeline?

Linda Gould: I’m currently working on a baseball novel, tentatively entitled Play Ball.

Tabitha: Do you have any final remarks to address to our audience?

Linda Gould: POD publishing is a revolution of sorts. We all want to make it a revolution that actually proves to be beneficial to literature. It’s up to us as self-published authors to avoid self-indulgence, seek and accept constructive criticism, and make our products as good as they can be.

Note: No photos of Linda Gould were available at the time of this interview, and Ms. Gould does not currently have a personal website. Anyone seeking more information on this very literary author can follow the links to her pages at Amazon, B&N, and Authors Den. Thank you.

First Anniversary

Today is the birthday of iUniverse Book Reviews. After several months of carefully planning exactly what I wanted to accomplish with a review site, I launched the first post July 12, 2006. A number of forces inspired me to begin the project. I began writing the first draft in about 1967 of what I thought at the time would become my first book. You can see that I have never been a prolific writer when you realize that that manuscript was not completed until about 1972, and it wasn't published until 2002! Like so many other writer wannabes, I wrote reviews for an underground paper in college, and I knew that one day I would publish a book or two. The material from that first manuscript was so important to me, and still is, that, when I discovered iUniverse online in early 1999, I wanted to practice first by releasing a compilation of stories that had already found a captive audience. The plan was for me to learn from whatever mistakes I might make with Plastic Ozone Daydream prior to publishing my modern theory of personality, The Last Horizon. iUniverse gave me everything I wanted except recognition.

I am a consumer populist by nature. I want to see good products succeed, and I loathe the many undeserving ones that so often succeed instead. I could not be any more aware of the destructive nature of our modern, out-of-control, corporate culture. Books sell because there are celebrity names on them. They sell because either the subject or the author has been on television. They sell because an enormous herd of obsessors feel they must buy everything with that name on it. They sell because some faction or other is incredibly insane or stupid. Do they sell because the author offers a genuine talent with words? Do they sell because the subject matter is something everyone needs to know? Do they sell because a new approach to an old problem is offered? Do they sell because the author's storytelling ability is unparalleled? You and I both know I do not need to answer these rhetorical questions. We already know the answers. Modern, consumer America has become a dung-heap of celebrity, do-nothing, bad girls and left/right, red/blue slap-fighters. We used to be in it all together; now everything has degenerated into my special interests versus your special interests.

I created iUniverse Book Reviews to be a beacon shining up from the muck. I knew without question when I began reviewing iU books that I would find many other works like my own. These books would have absolutely nothing wrong with them that a little better proofreading couldn't cure. They would be works that could never have a chance in the marketplace simply because the author had never been on TV. Many of these books would have arisen from years of composition and editing by their loving parents. Many would cover subject matter only these particular, unknown authors could adequately present to an audience. I knew there were many high-quality POD books out there in the muck-filled jungle, and I found them.

iUniverse Book Reviews is the only cat in the jungle that roars for its small cadre of authors with individually composed, custom-designed reviews on this site, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Authors Den. The five-star rating system is utilized only at Amazon and B&N, and yes, the ratings provided by Tabitha on these two sites may be a bit optimistic in some cases. If they were not, my reviews on these overblown, meaningless review sites would appear to be far too pessimistic. My ratings on those sites are intended to help unknown authors sell books. You can consider me a sort of iU cheerleader when you read my reviews at those ubiquitous sales sites. The reviews on this site are usually a bit more critical, and there will never be a star rating system at iUniverse Book Reviews. There are quite enough stars already at all the other review locations. Even with the slightly more critical viewpoint of Tabitha's reviews on this blog, let's let the cat out of the bag. Only one book has not honestly earned at least three stars in my reviews. That is also the only book without reviews from Tabitha at Amazon, B&N, or Authors Den. Of the twenty books with reviews posted so far, one should have had no more than two stars, two should have had three stars, thirteen easily earned four stars, and four made it to the brass ring. Why didn't I just say this in the reviews in the first place? The reasons are numerous. How can a 100-page book be fairly compared to a 400-page one, when the editing and proofreading are such a vital part of the author's job? How do I compare heavily researched nonfiction with a short, fictional story for young adults? As the self-proclaimed proofreading police, how can I adequately rank a book by its error count? Some errors are obviously so much more egregious than others. I even considered using an error quotient, in which I divide the page count by the error count. Although I might use that as an unpublished tool with which to evaluate a book, there is still the problem that not all errors are created equal. Some authors even repeat the same mistakes multiple times in the same book. Should each instance be considered a demerit? Before composing each book's reviews, I have to make certain decisions based on the merit of that particular book. I want every iU book I review to ideally hide within the massive forest of traditionally published books. I also want every book I review to inspire and satisfy the reader with its compositional merit. Tabitha walks with the agility of a cat on a tightrope suspended between these two criteria.

The first year of iUniverse Book Reviews has been successful in all aspects. Every goal has been met. There are many iU books out there who belong on the shelves at Barnes & Noble. Unfortunately, only one of these that has both made the shelf cut and been reviewed on this site actually belongs on that shelf! As I have suspected all along, there is no correlation between the quality of an iUniverse book and any of the overpriced bullcrap options the company sells. There is also no direct correlation between writing quality and the sales record of an iU book, either. Let me tell you about two books I have reviewed. One is the best-selling iU book I have reviewed and the second is one of the best-selling iU books I have reviewed. The former contains 477 properly composed and edited pages. The latter has 196 pages containing an incredible number of short, incomplete sentences and page after page of italics! The latter book has sold almost as well as the former. Both authors paid for iU's bull-puckey options and both authors have received a lot of attention. Due to its subject matter being the first cousin to what I refer to as cheaters, the first book has been exceedingly successful for an iUniverse book. I don't know why the second one has been so successful. I accepted it for review at least partially to find that answer, and I am still baffled! The point of this story is that I don't think very many people, as authors or readers, are aware of the actual truths surrounding the success or failure of any particular POD book. It's my job to try to enlighten their vision.

At least one more Interview with the Author is in the works, and I hope there will be many more to come. I would like to offer interviews to those authors whose previously reviewed books presented at least some sort of exceptional or professional merit. If you have read certain recent, previous posts, you know now that you can contact me at ice9 at e-tabitha dot com or place an appropriate comment on any post to request a review or interview. Twenty books have already survived the proofreading police wringer, one suspect is in the interrogation room now, one is waiting in the outer office, one is in the hands of the United States Postal Service, and one has just been re-released by iUniverse after being re-edited by its diligent author. In other words, this blog isn't dead yet: at least four other authors are waiting with chewed fingernails for their trip through the wringer!

Secretarial Wars

Secretarial Wars
by Linda Gould

(iUniverse / 0-595-27592-3 / June 2003 / 288 pages / $17.95)Let's begin this review by stating that this book could easily hide in a forest of traditionally published books. The composition, editing, and proofreading have all been accomplished at a high level. In my opinion, and I always speak of this issue strictly as an opinion, even the cover is appropriate for the material within. Most of all, the literacy and vocabulary expressed within these pages is far beyond that of most POD books. Linda Gould's little swatch of comedic, dramatic, romantic, and mysterious chicklit is a highly commendable first effort for a new author. Eat your hearts out, POD author wannabes!

There is a bit of bad news, however it is only a bit. Before I go any further, I must remind the readers of this blog that, despite a few name games displayed on my websites, I am a man. Therefore, fans of the chickadee persuasion may want to view my criticism of this book as a testosterone problem. Secretarial Wars misses the five-star brass ring simply due to its lack of excitement. The story could use a little more sex, drugs, and rock and roll, a little more flash-bam-pow. The climax is outstanding, easily deserving of the long, slow buildup toward the inevitable release. The weakness of the story is that I could not get truly enthralled by the characters or their subplots. It was all just a little too ho-hum and so-what. Please place the accent on little.

Secretarial Wars is the story of three Washington, D.C., secretaries and the romantic fantasies they act out while trying to hold onto reality with one hand and their dreams with the other. The plot is set with a backdrop of a very Bush-like, fictional administration and the covert actions in which that administration may or may not be involved. Therein lies the mystery. Each of Ms. Gould's three secretaries pines for a local celebrity she cannot seem to reel into her dragnet. One is a local Redskins quarterback facing a controversial replacement by a younger rival. The second is an ex-place kicker for the Redskins who publishes the local muckraking rag. The third is a local rock star who has recently become quite famous in a band that sounds suspiciously like Emerson, Lake & Palmer plays Bad Company. This covers the romantic fantasy element. The drama filters into the plot through the machinations of competing secretaries at the Washington Peace Council, and some of the things these ladies do certainly qualifies as comedy. Although Secretarial Wars is not nearly as silly and frivolous as the movie 9 to 5, most readers will certainly flashback to its obvious similarities of plot and feminist genre.

Whether or not genuine fans of chicklit will love Secretarial Wars to death, I cannot say. I can declare this one hell of a quality work at a level to which all POD authors should aspire. Of course there are a few proofreading errors present, but, due to the actual, subtle nature of these errors, I doubt the average reader will even spot them. Linda Gould's second book is on the way, and I strongly encourage you, as a discriminating reader, to look for it. You will recognize it by a title and theme that will make you flashback to Bye Bye Birdie. Let's hope The Rock Star's Homecoming is as clever as the 1963 movie and as literary as Secretarial Wars.

See also: Tabitha's B&N Review
Tabitha's Authors Den Review
Interview with Linda Gould
Review of Linda Gould's The Rock Star's Homecoming
Review of Let's Play Ball